- Ok, let me start off by saying that i'm happy to write these words to you tonight...
- As I begin this journey on forgiveness ---- I'm reminded that my unforgiveness is towards someone very special in my life & in order to move on... I must accept them... totally...
- The person who I have refused forgiveness to - is myself!
- I have come to the crushing blow... that I live with this anger towards myself & that I haven't been able to go forward ----- because somewhere in the back of my head I feel as if I don't deserve it... behaving like this has cost me alot...
- Today I made a conscious decision to forgive another, besides myself... Because I want to keep this real - I will not speak in riddles... I will let you know - who, "I have not forgiven"
- It is my mother, I'm sorry to say, that sometimes, I don't even think of her... I have pushed her sooo far away - I just wanted to forget and then not really forget, because she is mother & I do love her...
- I'm realizing & I say realizing because I'm slowly taking baby steps towards my freedom, what I'm feeling right now is that somewhere deep inside of me - I harbor anger and resentment towards my mother... everytime she said this, I thought to myself... "no, I do not" and I would tell her the same thing... I really didn't see it, however, it is slowly being revealed to me - like when a doctor removes the bandages that covered up nasty scars & then the uncovering is something so liberating and marvelous... I'm starting to feel this way in respects towards facing my "my unforgiveness"
...to be continued
your constant companion,
~deirdra
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2 comments:
Hey chula, just got home and read your this whole entry and I just have to commend you, for being so courageous.
People and I include myself in that category always hide their feelings, so that no one can get it to make an effect, a change if you will, but then how are we to change, if we don't allow this.
Food for thought... love you nena!
XOXO
Lydia
thank u, mama! it really is hard for me to divulge my feelings, however, like u said... when will the change begin if i do not... thank u, Luv u!
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