Am I Ready to Forgive Myself? ...

- Ok, let me start off by saying that i'm happy to write these words to you tonight...

- As I begin this journey on forgiveness ---- I'm reminded that my unforgiveness is towards someone very special in my life & in order to move on... I must accept them... totally...
- The person who I have refused forgiveness to - is myself!
- I have come to the crushing blow... that I live with this anger towards myself & that I haven't been able to go forward ----- because somewhere in the back of my head I feel as if I don't deserve it... behaving like this has cost me alot...
- Today I made a conscious decision to forgive another, besides myself... Because I want to keep this real - I will not speak in riddles... I will let you know - who, "I have not forgiven"
- It is my mother, I'm sorry to say, that sometimes, I don't even think of her... I have pushed her sooo far away - I just wanted to forget and then not really forget, because she is mother & I do love her...
- I'm realizing & I say realizing because I'm slowly taking baby steps towards my freedom, what I'm feeling right now is that somewhere deep inside of me - I harbor anger and resentment towards my mother... everytime she said this, I thought to myself... "no, I do not" and I would tell her the same thing... I really didn't see it, however, it is slowly being revealed to me - like when a doctor removes the bandages that covered up nasty scars & then the uncovering is something so liberating and marvelous... I'm starting to feel this way in respects towards facing my "my unforgiveness"


...to be continued

your constant companion,

~deirdra

Introductory Blog...

JESUS's words...

Matthew 18:21-22:
- 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?"
- 22 And Jesus said unto him, "I say not unto thee, until seven times, but until seventy times seven.


- So we begin, hello there... my name is Deirdra...

- First, let me start off by saying that this blog in no way is meant to judge or be an authority on life's issues... it is simply my belief in what my Savior has imparted on me...
- It is my goal to be an ear, lift someone up, enlighten the busy people that sit and share with me for a while... and to constantly remind myself of my own fragility...
- I'm not a scholar or a theologian - simply an ambassador of Christ - an ambassador to all nations... ;)

- As you can see by my title... this blog will address forgiveness... such a simple word, however, a grand feat for many...

- dictionary.com version
- for⋅give⋅ness 
 /fərˈgɪvnɪs/ [fer-giv-nis] –noun
1. act of forgiving; state of being forgiven.
2. disposition or willingness to forgive.

- Forgiveness is something that I also struggle with... I have come to realize that most of us do... we may not be aware of it, however, when something terrible happens to us or our loved ones... it is then that we must face this... it is then that the struggle begins...

- I have learned that To FORGIVE - is To GIVE as before... Wow... this is hard... it takes courage, it takes surrender, it takes a willingness and it takes humility...

- I begin this journey with an open heart and mind and a willingness to that freedom that comes with letting go and moving on... because, as HIS word shows... forgiveness is meant for the forgivor... not necessarily the forgivee...

- So, I thank you for taking the time to park here for a little, for sharing (if you wish) or even commenting and enlightening me...

- In HIS humble love,

your constant companion,

~deirdra